Birthday Reflections

Twenty years ago, the year was 2002, I was 21 years old. I dont remember the day and it was a time before Facebook so there's no digital reminder of the happenings. My party was joint affair a month earlier with my cousin in a local bar in the village. It was followed by a raucous houseparty and an all day beer garden session in Flahertys, which has long since gone. 

Friends had gathered from the four provinces to celebrate - a melding of childhood and college life together in old house my parents had just bought . It was a pre-renovation party if you will. They got a helping hand when the bathroom sink mysteriously came away from the wall, a door floated without reason off its hinges and a coffee table caved under the weight of stomping to Mark McCabe's "Maniac".

Its poignant that I write this sitting in that exact house with only weeks left to call it my home. Its been a blessing these last four years, kept me safe, dry, warm. A place to learn , to grow and save for my new life ahead. I still can't quite believe that the single shiny key with the word "yale" stamped on it lying in a clearing on the dusty coffee table in front of me is the key to my new home. I picked it up just a few days ago, right before I turned 41.

The key to a new beginning in a small, simple house tucked away in a forest of tall green trees that sway in the breeze. It is a haven for birds, bees, plants, wildlife and now us. A big contrast to busy village life and I'm ready for it, so ready. Its time to move home :)

Birthdays mark a new year and a chance to pause and reflect on seasons passed. I am practiced at finding personal fault, so Im nudging myself to look for the moments of pride instead. Here's a few snippets from my journal, here it goes....

What im most proud of in my 40th year?

- Finding my voice to put my needs first

- Standing my ground

- Sticking to a path of self discovery, even when it's difficult

- Coming through March & Aprils shit storm (I'll spare you!)

- Molly and how well shes recovered

- Deepening friendships with special souls

- Slow and Seasonal - Im so proud and I love this work so much. Here she is :)

- Travelling about in my teardrop caravan last summer, embracing the freedom and spontanaeity of it all

- Buying my house! Saving hard and after a pandemic still managing to do it

- Becoming a Forest Bathing Guide

- Seeing one of my poems printed as artwork

- Having my writing published in the Galway Review and The Kerryman

- Training in Qigong after falling in love with its quiet subtle power

- Teaching yoga to wonderful Ukrainian women - such a huge priviledge

Honestly though, my biggest achievement in my 40th year was just getting through some really hard shit that wont ever make it into a public blog. The ups & downs of real life - relationships, family, business. And Im still here, perhaps a little bit more bruised, but stronger, wiser and with better boundaries. A clearer view of how to live a value led life.

Then typically, I was thinking hmmmm is that it?! Anything more? So I looked back over a year of social media posts to see if they would jog my memory with events /achievements or happenings.

It turns out, to my knowledge, nothing wild, ground - breaking or earth shattering happened. No big things I hadnt recalled.

I lived an ordinary life, doing ordinary things. And that is perfect, because I want a quiet life, lived at my own pace.

I found this quote once, I've long since forgotten the author, "don't be afraid of a small life. No one misses the big extraordinary things. It's the little things - the every day moments - ordinary ones. Don't steam roll over these - they create normalcy".

To live an ordinary life where I have time to explore, learn, wander and rest. To feel happiness, sadness, joy and disappointment and all the full range of emotions. To smell cut grass and the tang of salt and sea. To bury my face in the dogs fur for a snuggle. To inhale the scent of damp earth after summer rain. To shiver and curl into Jason's arms leaning against the van after the sun drops below the horizon in a blaze of pink, orange and red. To share friends laughter, raucous and a little bit naughty. To watch my nephews find their way in the world cocooned in love and the joy they bring to our family. To sweep endless dog hair from floors and couches and smile because Im lucky they chose me.

My ordinary year.

How I celebrated?

- An early morning walk on the beach in the rain with new and old friends and my dogs

- Lunch and a long overdue catch up with Sarah

- A wander with Molly in Ballyseedy Woods, she has her bop back :)

- Dinner with my family

- I journalled

- Listened to and read birthday wishes from all over the world

- With cake! Alot of cake!

Why is it worth celebrating?

Aging is a privilege, it is denied to many. I'm happy to grow older, wiser and to know myself more deeply.

What would 10 years younger me think of it all?

- Fair play to you for leaving city life and setting up on your own back home

- You've achieved so much in 10 years, give yourself more credit

- You've grown up and into yourself

- This thing that is waking you up at night - you've done it before, you can do it again. You'll figure it out.

- You're quite brilliant! Believe that.

What do I want my life to look like this time next year?

- Settled into our new home, bright, airy, simple

- Happy and content together

- Molly beside me sleeping peacefully, just as she is now

- Bruce and Leo healthy, happy, snuggled at my feet

- A thriving, stable career that continues to fulfill me

- Physically stronger, fitter and have more energy

- To have a garden producing lots of veggies that I can actually manage!

- To be working on a book with the hope of publishing it (might as well think big!)

An ordinary life.

Here's to a new year, a new adventure and to growing old at the right time 💚